BBG's take on: Failure and Success

I have been singing my whole life and I will be singing my whole life. I am in school to sing and I intend to make a career out of it. This is not because of my great success singing because if I'm completely honest, I have had little success singing in the realm that I want to go into. I really haven't and for a while it was really breaking me. There was a time when I was not improving at all because all of my focus was on how to win and how to be looked upon positively by vocal teachers, but then I realized that it really did not matter.

It does not matter what a choral director thinks of my voice. It does not matter what the judges at NATS or any other solo an ensemble event think of my voice. 

It only matters what I think of my own voice. 

It only matters that I can get to the point where I feel good about what I've done and what I am doing. It only matter that I think that my work is good and that I feel that I am progessing as I should. It only matters that I live out to my own full potential, not someone elses. 

I will not pretend this is easy.

It isn't. This is one of the hardest things to realize for many people and not even I feel this way all of the time, but what matters is that I know it. What matters is that I realize that these are words I should live by. You have to start small though. It starts with "I". For this to work, you must realize what is special to you and about you that drives you to do what you may not be the best at. You must remember that no one is the best at anything. The only best you should and can strive for is your best. No other best matters. 

No words other than your own are important enough to determine your worth.

It sounds conceited to say, but to be satisfied with yourself, you have to remember this. Letting others define you will always make you feel less than brilliant and you are brilliant. Letting others define you changes the place where you draw your worth from. It should be from within. 

What I'm trying to say is...

that your success and failure are determined by you. They aren't defined by how many competitions you win and how many "Superiors" you get at solo and ensemble because you can not numerically determine talent. You can not numerically determine even technique. None of those accolades matter when you have yourself to answer to at the end of the day. Only what you think of you matters. 

BBG's take on: Looking for a Job (Diary of a Shut In #1)

I'm looking for a job. I don't really care what that job is, but the point is that I want one. Not only want, but also need one. I need a job. I need some money. I need something on my resume other than the schools I went to and various plays and theatre ensembles I was in. I need some experience, but to get experience I need a job and to get a job I need experience. Do you see my dilemma? I hope you do.

Right now I've applied to many, many jobs, most of which are online and I'm getting desperate. Well, not desperate. I'm still mostly only looking in areas where I feel like I have a strength or where I feel like I don't need skills that are untrainable into these positions. I'm looking mostly into retail and serving because I feel like I could get a job there that they can help me acquire the skills for. I pick up things quickly anyway. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty, but I mostly have experience performing. That's what I did in high school when everyone else was learning to drive and got a job in retail or at some restaurant. That what I was doing when everyone was having sex and trying things and being with boys. I was practicing. I was performing. I was finding ways to perform and now I really wish I'd try to do some of those things too.

I just want some money and somewhere where I can have fun earning. Damn. I couldn't have gone to camp either though. I'm too broke to go to camp. I need money that I can't earn to go to camp. I'll find some way I guess. I'll figure it out. Hopefully soon, but it may not be for a few more weeks. I may not be able to get a job for a month. I may be broke for another year. I need to find a way to make some money... and soon.

BBG's take on: Menstrual Cups (pt.2)

This is an update on my menstrual cup journey.

So far I have one menstrual cup though I'm investing in a new one and I love the one I have. I have the Evacup by Anigan.
I got this one because

• It was the cheapest on the market and when I got it I was just looking .
• It was the easiest to get and available everywhere.
• When I looked at the reviews I saw nothing out of the ordinary.

However, now I'd like to get a new one. I'm looking at the Sckoon Cup mostly, but due to the price I may need to keep looking. I got my first one for $18 and this one costs $35 to $50 on average and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about paying that much for anything right now. Especially since I'm in college and I currently don't have a job. Saving for that just doesn't seem worth it at the moment. 

So now for the real update!

I'd say now that I've used it for so many periods, I can now safely say I know what's what. 

Positives: 

• Periods are so easy!  - No more carrying around tampons or pads! Fuck them honestly. I'm happy I'm no longer a slave to them. Staying constantly stocked and worried about when to change them and how to throw them out. 
• I can stay out of the period worry cycle - You know what I'm talking about. When you've worn your tampon for wayyyyy to long and it hasn't leaked, but you think you're gonna die. OR when you haven't even worn it for that long, but you've ruined another pair of panties. They aren't cheap and I'm not made of money.
• My cramps have decreased SO MUCH. - I don't stay in bed on period days. I can take a pill and be ready to go because life doesn't stop for periods unless your teacher is a woman then if she hasn't gone through menopause it can. 

Negatives:

• The make of menstrual cup that I have! (The rim and the firmness) - There is a rim around the edge of my menstrual cup (not every cup has one, but this one does). This rim can make it slightly painful to remove because of the rim. Also mine is firm which is another problem with this one.
• The attitude - People are freaked out by menstrual cups. The idea freaks them out SO BAD. I didn't know it was that deep honestly, but for many girls it is. Guys are fascinated though. Weird, but they are.
• Changing it - I'm okay with going to the sink from the bathroom stall I'm in to wash out my menstrual cup, but I know this is what really freaks people out. I have heard of using a bottle to clean it out in the stall, but I don't have anything like this. 

Here's a video of this.